T'was the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck, Confused by a world so politically correct. His workers no longer would answer to "Elves", "Vertically challenged" they were calling themselves. And labour conditions at the North Pole Were alleged by the Union to stifle the soul. Four Reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear, That Santa had better not just use Reindeer. So Dancer & Donner, Comet & Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were thought dangerous by the H & SA. Second-hand pike smoke left his workers quite frightened. His fur-trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened" And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs & flows, Rudolf was suing for use of his nose He'd claimed on Watchdog in front of the Nation Millions of pounds due in compensation. Half of the Reindeer were gone; and his wife, Suddenly said she'd enough of this life, After joining a help group, she left in a whiz, Demanding in future her title was Ms. And as for gifts, well he'd ne'er a notion, That careless choosing could cause such a commotion. Nothing of Leather & nothing of Fur, Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute, Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise, Nowt just for girls, or just for boys, Nothing that claimed to be gender-specific. Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific No Candy or Sweets...they were bad for the tooth, Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Barbie & Ken, better off hidden. For those who think Santa should fulfil a dream, The best type of gift is one that is green. No baseball or football...one could get hurt; Playing such sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls are thought to be sexist, and should be passé, And Nintendo will rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed; Trying to figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry; he tried to be gay; But you've got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; Nothing acceptable there to be found. Something special for all, a gift that he might, Give to the world without anger from the left or the right. A gift to satisfy, without indecision, Each group of people, every religion; Every ethnicity, every colour & hue, Everyone, everywhere...even you. So here is a gift, its price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on Earth" Merry Christmas!! 13 Days To Go!